A time to give thanks...

Times are so tough, people are struggling and finding themselves out of work, out of a home, and out of options and ideas. I can't remember the last time there was so much hopelessness and dispair in people's faces. Holiday time is especially hard for people since meals, presents and all the trimmings that come with Christmas and Thanksgiving all require a chunk of what not a lot of people have... the all mighty dollar.
I am lucky enough to be hanging on for dear life this holiday season... and our family is trying to make it out of this alive and retaining as much of our property and valuables as possible. We've been lucky and blessed so far, while still always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I feel sort of bad being thankful for things other people long for, or for having the fortune others don't possess... but I am very thankful for how God has blessed my life and kept us focused and on the right path.
No matter what your situation is this holiday season... there is always something great to be thankful for. Whether it's your family's health or your own, the fact that you can be together... the mere blessing of having SOMETHING to eat and something to celebrate. There are many out there who have it worst than you... TRUST ME!
If we're not going to be thankful for material things, jobs or family... let's at least be thankful for hope. Because things can always get worse, but they can also get better. I believe if you do your part, God will help you to provide and will give you the wisdom to find your way.

I hope this Thanksgiving is a wonderful one for you and your family. I hope next year's turkey finds you even more at peace and happier than the previous year's did. I hope to still be here to say I am thankful for you... and for all you bring into my life, good and bad... because you are what in turn makes me the person that I am.
Happy Thanksgiving to you... your family... and all the people you hold dear in your heart.

Lions and Tigers and Bears...

I'm very excited. Tomorrow I get the privilege of accompanying my son and his class on his very first field trip!
I am now an officially certified Miami Dade County Public School Chaperone... not sure what that means but I can legally go to the zoo and make sure my son doesn't jump into any of the animal containments.
Lucas is excited too! Not because he's going to the zoo... he's been there before and to him this place is old news. He's excited because for the first time ever, he gets to ride on a school bus. Kids get excited about the weirdest things.
I cross these tiny little milestones, to which some may seem so unimportant, and look back on the short time Luc has been ruling my life and I can't help but feel so OLD! I gotta admit that sometimes I drive around time, both kids strapped into the back seat... and I've got the radio blasting... I look back in the rearview mirror and think OH MY GOD THERE'S KIDS BACK THERE! It's hard to still feel like a kid at heart and think of yourself as the kid still driving the red acura integra and realize you're now the adult that use to drive you around.
I try really hard to be really involved in everything the boys do. I think my parents could have probably done a better job of being a part of my activites, but I don't want my kids to ever say that about me.
I may be a little too clingy... stay too long after the bell rings to make sure Lucas is writing his first and last name correctly... but when I joke around and his school friends laugh, I see the look of pride on my baby's face, and any doubts I have that he may not want me there are gone.
He's a full grown boy that son of mine! He's got the writing of his first and very long last name down packed... he writes in his journal every morning! His drawings are usually about skateboarding with his dad and brother, his mino in his fire station, and his favorite dog Rigby. He's learning to read short words, knows all about animals in Australia and Africa... and is mastering the use of words like awkward, obnoxious and special. He's even learning a prayer to say at Thanksgiving! He still picks flowers for me every morning on our walk to his classroom and he loves looking for worms crawling up the walls in the halls of the school. Our morning drives are full of questions, he now eats his breakfast in the car and loves to come outside on a cold day and tell me how lovely the weather is.
He is big beyond words and I adore him more than I could explain. He is the most AMAZING person I've ever met and truly the man of my dreams.
So tomorrow I will cherish another memory we will make. I can't wait to see his smiling face getting on the bus, and I hope he doesn't get lost... get eaten by an animal or break into anyone's cage. I will be the proud momma, watching over a couple of brats, hoping no one gives me a hard time. WISH ME LUCK!

WHEN WILL IT END?

So i see this is quickly becoming a baby in the making blog huh?
Sorry about that!

This is a great way to vent out my frustrations without dumping them off on my poor husband. And whether anyone reads them or not, it sure makes me feel better!

EEEEneeeeways... There are many lies spread over the internet. The biggest one I recently encountered is "nausea and morning sickness will most lickely cease after your 12th week of pregnancy".
See? I just passed week 16 and that fucker is still around! Today, I had a 2:30 meeting. I sat down and one of my co-workers became alarmed at the Exorcist like looks I was getting on my face... he looked at me and said "you gotta go throw up huh?" to which i nodded to which he yelled (in the middle of the gathering) "just go! what are you waiting for?"
The mad dash began to the bathroom, lunch was exiled... and then, the walk of shame baaack into the conference room with paper towel in hand.
So embarrassing.
So this makes 2... the times i've vomited because of the baby... and considering I can recall only about 5 times i've thrown up IN MY LIFE before baby... the ratio doesn't make sense. What's wrong with me? Maybe i will be one of those freak of nature women who throw up all the way until the day before they give birth!
Gosh I hope not! I haven't got enough medicine to get me through until then! But then again, I had just taken my medicine right before this incident... Useless if you ask me!

Doctor visit # 4

Went this morning at 9:00 am to the OB/GYN's for my monthly baby checkup...

Did my usual monthly routine... write my name on the plastic cup... pee in the cup... leave the pee filled cup in the little window... walk to room 10.

Then... it was me and the scale... aaaand, I broke 150. All those milkshakes, bags of doritos and coconut ice cream bars have caught up with me... bringing my grand total to 151.

I then waited, and waited, and waited some more... while reading parenting magazines about crafts, controlling temper tantrums and cool things I can't afford to buy... and finally Dr. James Sr. walked in. I adore the James doctors... no one makes me feel more at ease and proud to be so fat.
Dr. James sr. is really good at finding the baby's heart beat with his doppler. This machine he carries into the room looks like something out of a 1960's gyno's office... but that thing works!
I had heard peanut's heart beat only faintly once before during my last sonogram... but this time, I heard it loud and clear and for a good minute. It still amazes me, after 2 previous pregnancies. It's 2 sounds playing on a loop that assure me that I'm doing everything fine. It's the same sound i'll feel when I tickle my peanut's chest and belly as I do it's brothers'.
Peanut's heart beat sounded sloooow... the doctor said "i'm not even going to guess"... you can't say that to me and think i'm just going to be like OOKKKAAAYYY... NO WAY!
I said... "please guess! you think it's a boy cause it's slow huh?"... he said "yeah"... to which my smart ass replied "well you guessed my first one was a girl because the heartbeat was fast, so maybe you're wrong on this one too!"
he laughed... and that's why I love him.

So now the 7 longest days of my life begin tomorrow... and my next appointment is on December 10th... where they will probably tell me I gained another 5 pounds (if i'm lucky).
I will keep you posted on the progress.

Great Expectations

11 days from now... I will get some pretty important news.
See? I adore my family. I live, breathe, move and wake up every single day for them. We've got a system in place, compliment eachother and love one another in ways no outsider could try to understand. So when I told my husband we were having another baby... besides his usual obsessive compulsive behavior tantrum... he worried how the dynamic of our family would be thrown off.
I, being the eternal pessimist I've always been (or at least tried to be) look forward to the challenge and know that no matter what, our family will adapt, grow, thrive and years from now, wonder how we ever were only 4.
My next thought is how I will feel at finding out what this new member of our family will be... not dog, cat or alien... but more importantly... boy or girl.
Bare with me as the drama pours out.
I love my boys. I am probably the least girly girl I know. I get along with boys, I appreciate their humor, their lack of drama, their stinky smells, their bodily fluids and functions. I know nothing else but boys. But deep down in the pit of my heart... there is a chamber, colored in pink, with lots of feathery pillows. There is a big mirror, pictures of Nick Jonas on the wall, sappy love songs playing in the background. There is makeup and nail polish, accessories and lots of shoes. Deep deep deeeep down inside, my longing for a daughter is truly overwhelming.
Now I know the whole deal with having babies. AS LONG AS IT'S HEALTHY! AS LONG AS IT HAS 10 FINGERS AND TOES! blah blah blah... of course as a mom, a human and someone who will adore this child with my entire heart I want all of those things, I pray for them every night and wish for them on the very first star I see at night. But my life would truly be complete if I got the news this baby was on team Vagina.
I think a girl would bring out a part of me I'd never thought I had. It would bring out a softer side of my husband he never knew was in there. And Lucas and Tyler would have someone special, delicate and soft to take care of... or maybe knock around and bruise.
I'd like to teach her about life, how cruel other girls can be, how the badder the boy, the cuter you'll think he is... how unfair it will seem to let the boys do things she won't be able to do. How important everything seems at 13, and how stupid all those things turn out to be when you're 30. How having a child can change your life completely, and how to keep your legs closed until you're at least 25 (or as long as I can sell this to her). How important your girlfriends are, but how much more important it is to know that your mom is always there for you.
I promise and swear not to be dissapointed if the news comes back any different. Because after all, being the only girl at home has it's amazing advantages... but knowing I'll never be a mom to a girl might sting a little... and eventhough you'll never see it... I may just shed a little tiny baby tear, which will be overshadowed by my husband's yells of happiness.
So 11 days... counting the days, hours, minutes... even seconds.

Something bigger than all of us!

I've been called an Obama maniac, an Obama head, in short... many a name all depicting my support and adoration for our NEW PRESIDENT ELECT!
I've had political arguments and strong disagreements with friends, and truly understood why people who love eachother should NOT discuss politics or religion.
But I want to put all politics aside and share with you why I believe America has turned a new leaf.
Regardless of how you feel about Barack Obama's polticial future... what he may or may not do for our country... how big of a "socialist" you think he may turn out to be or not... this decision made by almost 63 million Americans is so much bigger than that.

You see, growing up, everyone dreams of being president, only to discover as you get older that Presidents of the United States are usually older, white males... who come from politically influential or financially well off families. So you dash those hopes and move on to aspirations of being a doctor or a lawyer... if you truly dream big.
I am obviously not African American... but as an immigrant brought to this country in search for a better life, this gives me hope... not for me, but for my own children.
They will grow up in a different world than I will... not questioning whether their heritage or background will automatically disqualify them from ever holding the office of Commander In Chief. They can grow up knowing that they too, can someday accomplish what to the world seems unreachable.
This isn't a black or white victory, it's not a young or old victory... it's a victory for all of us... White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, etc. Because now, in the eyes of the world, we are already different. We aren't the country of people who not only enslaved Africans to pick our cotton fields, who not only forbid Asians from purchasing property after World War II, who have daily deportations of mothers who birth children in the US and have to leave them behind because their legal status isn't the same as their kids... we can always remember these injustices, but we can work from now on to be different.
So whether your state turned red or blue on election day, whether you cried during McCain's concession speech or cheered during Obama's Grant Park Celebration... you and I should be proud... proud of what we as a people could accomplish. Sure there are still ignorant people on this planet, who would protest an African American moving next door, or refuse to associate with a gay person, or make disgusting jokes about Latinos... but if you open your heart up just a tiny bit, and realize that we're all the same on the inside... then there is hope, not just for our kids, but all the generations that will follow.